 |
| Safed Sunset Nov 2021 ©Nachman Davies |
Many of my friends and acquaintances are among the thousands and thousands of people who have contracted COVID in recent months and among them, many will have found it extremely frustrating that they do not have strength to fulfill their religious obligations as Jews in reciting the regular daily prayer services.
There is a chapter in my (still unpublished) book The Mitkarevim which examines the problems of anxiety and trials of faith, stoic equanimity,and perserverance within the context of contemplative practice—and the closing section of that chapter contains recomendations for those unable to daven/pray whilst experiencing such trials.
Motivated by a desire to
encourage my currently sick Jewish friends, and hoping to assist all those who
are also experiencing the fatigue which COVID brings I have decided to post the
following extract from that chapter from my book. It has a relevance to all those
contemplatives experiencing trials of faith or illness and I hope and pray that
they may be comforted and find that their struggle to worship G-d in such
situations can be turned to the good.
ooOoo
How to pray on a Grey Day
We are
instructed not to daven the Amidah prayer (for instance) if we are sad
or depressed[1] because
a mitzvah ought to be performed in joy.
If we are honest with ourselves and with our G-d, there are also grim
times when such sadness and depression can turn to anger. At such times, we might feel that avoiding
contact with G-d might be the only way we can avoid blasphemy. Yet there is much to be said for recognising
that it is precisely at
such times that we ought to be in direct, though painfully conflicted, contact
with our G-d.
The specifically Breslover form of hitbodedut is
principally a method of discussing ones thoughts out-loud with G-d—often in the middle of the night, and ideally
in an isolated and deserted location— and it would seem to be a method geared
to effect this critical encounter. And
the discussion can involve both the joyous
and the anguished by turns.
Davening
formal services with kavanah may be a difficult (or impossible) task to
manage in such times of deep aridity or anguish, but solitary contemplative
dialogue in private should surely flow naturally when we need to pour out our
hearts and release painful things which have been bottled up.
Many
contemplatives also turn to the Psalms at such times. They can often become doorways to the deepest forms of
ecstatic prayer. They are a comfort from a psychological point of view as well
as a religious one, because we can all relate to the very human conflicts and
experiences which they describe so
vividly.
On those days when
one feels too depressed or too sad to pray the siddur liturgy in its
entirety or even to enter into the dialogue of contemplative prayer, this is my
suggestion:
-Take just one psalm, or just
one prayer (maybe just the first paragraph of the Amidah or just the
first paragraph of the Shema)— more if you are able;
-Tell G-d that you are both
too depressed to pray, and too stressed to sit down with Him and ‘chat’, but
that you wish to worship Him and approach Him;
-Tell Him that you wish to
remember His mercies with gratitude and beg Him to help you;
-Then say your chosen short prayer or selection
of prayers as slowly and reverently as you possibly can.
Doing this has two
very practical advantages:
Firstly,
it actually prevents you from dwelling on your self or your own problems and
digging yourself further into a hole. It
may appear to be a meagre substitute for the full statutory Avodat HaKodesh,
but it’s a start. And to quote someone
far wiser than I: a bissele iz euch gut.[2] Sometimes we all need to examine our own careers,
thoughts, actions, and progress—but those who are living contemplative
lifestyles need to minimalise such activity if too much self-focus begins to
impede ones journey into G-d. The
balance should always be effected by looking at G-d not at one’s own image. When we ‘look at’ G-d, we are moved to be compassionate
to all other creatures and our prayer for them spreads out ‘through G-d in us’
to the world.”
Or to put it another way: We can pray for the
needs of the Shechinah knowing that our own needs are included de
facto in that prayer.
Secondly,
it generates positivity by allowing us to express gratitude—the attempt to
worship in the midst of pressure is surely ‘acceptable’ on high. The main thing is to do one’s best and not
fret.
I can also recommend another practice for such times of anguished lassitude, when formal prayer is all but impossible: making use of a simple repeated mantra-like prayer.
I often use a string
of wooden worry-beads to assist me in praying in this fashion. The form of the
bead-string does not matter.[3]
They are simply a device to occupy the hands and regulate (or free-up) the time
taken to recite this form of prayer. I
recite the entire phrase “Ribono shel Olam” [4]
on each of the small beads with a “Baruch Shem kevod malchuto l’olam vaed” [5]
on the larger bead which marks the end
of each circuit.
 |
| (my own 42 bead 'tasbih') |
I have found that it is possible to
pray at length using this method no
matter how depressed one is, even in times of personal mourning and grief. Often I pray a ‘circuit’ for a specific
intention. There are also numerous
occasions when I have begun to pray in
this mantra-like fashion and found, to
my great surprise, that it calmed me sufficiently to enable normal davening or
contemplative dialogue to follow after
all.
At
other times when certain physical
illnesses (such as migraine or ocular disturbances) have made reading
impossible, praying the repeated mantra
using these beads has often been the only form of prayer that I was able to manage.
In
recent years I have expanded this practice by using various other repetitive
mantra like phrases, often taken from the psalms but also from the siddur liturgy. Such mantra phrases may be chosen at random from a bible or a siddur or
they may be chosen to fit the particular anxious or ‘dark’ situation the contemplative is experiencing.
Sometimes
I have used my adapted ‘tasbih’
beads to mark cycles of repetition or simply to relax the body during the prayer exercise—usually ascribing a phrase or part of a phrase to each bead.
At other times I have preferred to attempt to connect with G-d simply
through the (usually silent) repetition of such mantra-phrases without using a
bead-string....often with gently rocking movements of the head or body. Such methods are reminiscent of the Sufi
practice of Dhikr, but then (following the lead of the Maimuni
Jewish-Sufis) I subscribe to the view that those (ostensibly Moslem) Sufi practices are themselves based on
the ‘lost’ or neglected contemplative methods of the biblical Schools of
the Prophets.
Here
are some of the mantra-phrases that I have used, given here as examples for
those readers who would like
to make use of the Jewish-Sufi
method I have described above:
🔯
AD-NAI yimloch
l’olam va’ed
THE LORD will be King
for ever and ever
🔯
AD-NAI Melech
AD-NAI Malach
AD-NAI yimloch l’olam
va’ed
The L-RD is King THE
L-RD was King
THE L-RD will be King for ever and ever
🔯
Yimloch AD-NAI l’olam Yimloch AD-NAI l’olam
The L-RD reigns
for ever The L-RD
reigns for ever
🔯
(Ki
l’olam chasdo)
(Ki l’olam chasdo)
For His love endures forever
For His
love endures forever
🔯
(Ana Ad-nai hoshiana)
Please G-d save us!
🔯
Hineini AD-NAI Hineini AD-NAI
I am here LORD
I am Here LORD
🔯
Daber
AD-NAI , ki shomea avdecha
Speak , Lord, Your servant is listening
🔯
Avinu Malkeinu
Avinu
Malkeinu
Our Father, Our King Our Father, Our King
🔯
Avinu Malkeinu
Choneinu v’aneinu
Our Father, Our King
Be gracious and
answer us
🔯
Ein k’El-heinu Ein
k’Ad-neinu
Ein k’Malkeinu Ein k’Moshienu
None (is) like our G-d,
None like our Lord,
None like our King,
None like our Saviour
🔯
AD-NAI
echad u’Shmo echad
THE LORD is One and His Name is One
🔯
Halelu Ad-nai Halelu Ad-nai Halelu Ad-nai l’olam vaed
Praise G-d, Praise G-d, Praise G-d for
ever and ever.
🔯
Atah Kadosh v’Shimcha Kadosh
You are Holy and Your Name is Holy
🔯
Kol ha-neshama HalleluYah
All that has breath Praise the
L-rd.
🔯
Hu----- El-heinu Hu----- Ad-neinu
Hu----- Malkeinu Hu----- Moshienu
They
are formatted to indicate a suggested rhythm, progress through the bead chain, or pauses for breath. Sometimes
these repetitions may be synchronised
with paces in a slow walking meditation.
They may be recited in English or Hebrew, but (especially in the last example) resonant "m" sounds,strong "l" sounds, and extended aspirational sounds may make the Hebrew versions the preferred ones.
Such a
list could go on for many more pages but it is
hoped that this brief selection may be sufficient to inspire those
looking for some models on which to base
their personal choices. (The Selichot
liturgy, The Hallel recited on festivals, Sefardi Bekashot,
and Sefer Tehillim are perhaps
the richest mine for such models).
Their
use is not simply relevant to times of stress or times when fervour is lacking,
for they may also become a part of ones regular and continuous practice. Intuitively, and in that situation, I feel
that it is best to use the same phrase (or perhaps two phrases) over time (say a period of weeks
or more) rather than take the list above as some sort of mix-and-match verbose practice. The effectiveness of the repetition seems to be consolidated and amplified once it has become habitual, and it seems to me that this takes time and concentration on one ‘mantra’
over time.
Of
course it would be possible to perform such excercises making specific
use of Divine Names and their variations, and this exalted practice is a major feature of pietistic devotion in Islamic Sufi, Jewish
Sufi, and Classical Kabbalah meditation)
but such practices are beyond the
scope of this book.
oo0oo
But if
we are in the midst of a Grey (or Black) Time when our faith is tested to the very limit—all small attempts to make contact with G-d count far more than
we might believe possible. If we really are doing all that we can in the midst of sadness or depression, we may find that a certain peace can be found in the
attempt to make even the smallest of devotional practices our prayerful
offering. For those of us living alone
in contemplative solitude, this sets the
scene for a return to a state of quies
(a settled mind) that will enable us
to go about our ordinary actions while our subconscious is dealing with our problems in the background. The sensation is one of
being connected to the Divine Presence
by a delicate thread.
My
guess is that when one is under duress, it is most often wiser to
take small steps than to attempt heroic leaps of faith and perseverance. Domestic cleaning, washing, decorating,
gardening, calligraphy, handicrafts, carpentry, cooking—can all be
contemplative exercises when practised in a state of acceptance that we are ‘working
our problem out’ subconsciously with our mind on G-d and not on our selves.
This is
a state of devekut in which one can
still be ‘at rest in G-d’ despite being in a Slough of Despond.
G-d’s activity is
then ‘free’ to get to work on our innards while we are physically
occupied. The fight has become less
of a marital row or stand-off and more
like a tussle which becomes transformed
into an embrace.
It
is not the kind of contemplative activity that scales spiritual mountains with
drama and flashing lights, but potentially, it can reach the same summit.
I remember being
advised once that in order to scale a seemingly impossibly steep mountain path, the knack was to look at
one’s feet and take just one step at a time without allowing despair to set in
at the sight or thought of the arduous way ahead. Poco a poco hace mucho as they
say in Spain.
But what does one do
if ones contemplative anxieties are so
great that none of the above suggestions
offer encouragement?
Then I suggest you
must arouse G-d’s mercy and beg His help by doing something like the
following:
Close your eyes
Make the slowest and
most profound bow you can manage. Say just one brief personal prayer with every ounce of your love
and dedication—even if you don’t feel it emotionally. Perhaps something like this
“I’m running away from You
Lord—
I am sorry—
I don’t want to be like this
Forgive me and help me to find
You again.”
Or
simply declare:
“May Your Name be Blessed in
All the Worlds.
Please Help me.”
I can make no
promises, but I suggest that you will walk in His Presence after doing this and
He will come to meet you during the day in other ways—through events, or
through the Torah spoken by his human messengers along the way.
If you
find yourself saying “I’ll do it later”. If you find yourself
thinking “I can’t concentrate now—I’ll pray properly at the
weekend”— The chances are you are merely prevaricating and not living
in the honesty of the present moment.
The chances are that when the weekend comes, you won’t ‘pray properly’
either.
It is
better to open a channel of communication than to nurse a grievance. Better to
declare that you need His help than to add insult to injury by thinking you are
better off sulking or nursing your wounds alone.
As
always, I am speaking as a fellow sufferer as well as attempting to be a sort
of doctor—both to you and to myself—but my guess is that, if you open such a channel of communication, He will be there
for you that evening, or the next day. You may also find that time will suddenly have been made for
that ‘proper prayer’ you had been avoiding.
Even
the briefest of genuine prayers in distress can have great potency. Seeds planted in this way seem to sprout
rapidly without us having to watch out for them. The way of evasion just lets the seeds of new
growth blow away in the wind. And in the
desert of anxiety they will just wither,
die, and be wasted. So go easy on
yourself on a grey day and just do your
best. That may well be a more acceptable offering Above than the ritual davening or recited prayers that you offer on sunny and sparkling days .
From Chapter 11 of The
Mitkarevim: Jewish Contemplatives and the Return of Prophecy
(2021)
©Nachman Davies
Tzfat Jan 2022
[1] Berachot 31a and Eruvin 65a
[2] R’ Nachman of Breslov: ‘A little is also good.’
[3] The beads I use myself are a home-made string of 42 beads, the number being a reference to the ‘Ana B’Koach’ prayer.
[4] ‘Master of All Time and Space / Lord of All the Worlds’
[5] ‘Blessed be the Name of His Glorious Kingdom
for all eternity’
